Calm Down

This morning, when I opened my inbox, I had an e-mail from a Pulitzer prize winner. This is what it said:

“What a lovely piece! Thanks ever so much. You handled all the issues, and handled them with grace and sensitivity. I am very grateful. “

With about three, maybe four hours of sleep under my belt after what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown last night, I should have been comatose all morning. But that e-mail made an overcast, gross day a little brighter. The funny thing about it, though, was that it took me reading that e-mail to Liz to realize that, whoa…that’s a pretty big deal.

Liz literally sprung out of her seat and gave me a huge hug.

The e-mail was from Tim Page, an epically talented music critic who wrote for the Washington Post for 12 years. He’ll be visiting campus on Monday and Tuesday. Here’s the thing about Mr. Page…

He has Asperger’s Syndrome, an autism-spectrum disorder that impairs social interactions and entails offbeat and often disruptive fixations on very specific topics. Without supportive friends and family and strong adaptive skills, Asperger’s can be a genuinely debilitating disorder. Page coped…he made the syndrome work for him. One of Page’s fixations was music. He had a knack for writing, too, and as you might guess, things unfolded from there.

It’s pretty freakin’ inspirational stuff. Enough so that, after I interviewed Mr. Page, I couldn’t help but feel uplifted.

Don’t ask me how writing about someone who’s had an insanely rough life made me feel this way, but I realized I’m being entirely too hard on myself. By tomorrow, I’ll have three stories printed in the Missourian this week. One was a Sunday centerpiece. Another was a front-page centerpiece that jumped to Second Front. Who knows what’ll happen with the Page story, but regardless: I need to stop feeling guilty. I don’t have to be Superwoman. I’m already doing a heck of a lot, and maybe it’s time to slow down a little.

This semester’s been rough. The shells project is driving me crazy. I was personally insulted when the Safety shell was collapsed, especially when we were already approaching the execution phases. It’s been really challenging to get back up after being knocked down by that kind of frustration. Thankfully, Paul’s really on the ball with the Growth shell, so for once, I don’t feel like I have to micromanage an entire project. (It doesn’t matter if I have the greatest group of all time; I’m always going to be the one who freaks out about everything.)

Life is literally driving me crazy right now, and I need to stop making it worse by stressing myself out about it. I’m stressing so much, it takes a hyperactive hug from my editor (seriously though, thanks Liz) to realize I’m doing a good job.