Decisions

This is a small glimpse of my love/hate relationship with journalism.
Frequently, I've questioned my decision to become a reporter. My first few years in the black press showed me unlimited options for doing what I love.
More recently, I have hated to write, I don't like calling people and I feel cheated out of a senior year. Every day I feel more pressured to conform to a world that I'd rather choose not to and it makes me question my decision.
On one hand, I feel that graduating from the Missouri School of Journalism means that I can be expected to automatically do any job required of me in any newsroom - but this is clearly not the case.
It doesn't help that my relationships with editors here have been strained, and I can't really say I've met any great new people in the newsroom.
Nonetheless, I've enjoyed every internship and newspaper experience I've ever had...
Is it because I don't feel constantly pulled in a million directions by a million different things?
Is it because I haven't found anyone in the Missourian to identify with that I feel so isolated?
And the more people I meet, the more people I find are generally no longer interested in this career path.
Furthermore,
What is it about the MU experience that has made three of the only four black people in news editorial hate reporting?
Should I stay in this field because from what I see the number of black people interested in news papers continues to drop?
More specifically, those who more adequately represent my class and my experiences seem to be non-existent.
Or... well, I don't know!
What I do know is these next few months will determine a lot for me. I hope and pray my experience at the Register will again remind me of the passion I have for this craft. If not, maybe graduate school will do the trick.
Who knows.
One thing I can say though, is that you never forget your first love. Journalism will always have a special place in my heart.